I’ve been invited by the venues that I'm touring to this October to write a little about the
back-story behind my new show, Stone’s Throw, Lament Of the Selkie. Having been
a full time singer songwriter and touring artist over the last 20 years, this
is my first venture into the world of theatre and I am thrilled to have
received support of Arts Council Wales in order to make the piece. This is the full unedited version of the copy that I have sent out to venues.
The back-story behind, Stone’s Throw, Lament Of The Selkie.
The idea of a collaborative storytelling piece focusing on a retelling
of selkie mythology first occurred way back in 2011, when composer Gillian
Stevens introduced me to the folklore tales of these shape-shifting seal folk. But
this project was to be short lived as a few months later I was immobile and
house bound, having sustained injuries to my hip and back after falling from
stage while on tour in rural Italy. The fall was traumatic in itself, but what
compounded it all was the fact that I was also 24 weeks pregnant when this
happened.
My tour colleague Dylan Fowler told me that he’ll never
forget the sound body made as it smacked the ground- it was stone-marble
flooring…I felt pins and needles up and down my spine. Fortunately my baby was
unharmed, I’d twisted so I landed on my hip and back, not my bump… but the
accident left me very damaged. The Drs suspected that I had a hairline fracture
on my hip- and my muscles locked in spasms leaving me with severely limited
mobility for the duration of my pregnancy and beyond. This fall had a domino
effect…the first of several waves of trauma that occurred over the following
months that led to severe birth complications and postpartum health issues and
in the end it me took years to recover. There was a time when my muscles were
so atrophied that I could barely hold a note in tune- and my back would begin
to spasm after holding a guitar for 30 seconds and I wondered if I’d ever be
able to tour and play music again. And here’s where the selkie’s come in... During
this time I began to revisit the folklore myths and found myself resonating with
many of the themes that lay within these ancient tales. A selkie finding
herself trapped on land in human form unable to return to her seal state of
being, struck a chord with my own sense of being trapped by the limitations of
my broken body… Slowly I began to write my 4th solo album- a process
that took a further 3 years to complete and alongside this I continued to work
at my own physical and mental recovery. Lucy Rivers played violin on the album
and at this time we began to discuss performing the songs in a more theatrical
way.
Then one evening in 2017 I found myself writing- 10,000
words, the full story of all the events of my unravelling. Tentatively I shared
the sections as a blog posts and was met with an unprecedented response from
women who resonated with my story. I began to receive messages from women from
around the world, sharing their own stories with me. I began to perceive that
there was a need for these stories to be given a public platform as the subject
of birth trauma is rarely explored on stage and is still often seen as a taboo
subject. So, last year 2018 teamed I up with Lucy Rivers for a research and
development project to explore merging my own experiences with the a
contemporary retelling of selkie myths. Alongside this I invited women to send
me their own stories relating to birth and identity. The research and development project went well- positive responses from both venue bookers and all who engaged in the project. In response to this I set to work at applying for the next round of funding to make the show. The funding bid, was rejected. I was gutted- the comments from the funders were very positive however ( even though the project was rejected) and so despite disappointments and the massive amount of work and time that would be required to submit again, I pragmatically decided to have another push at the same funding... and am thrilled that this time I was successful. So now this autumn 2019, we are
finally making the full-length show… Below are some recent shots and videos of rehearsals with Lucy Rivers.
Directed by Louise Osborn and featuring myself and actor-musician
Lucy Rivers, the performance combines music, songs, spoken-word and
storytelling against a backdrop of large-scale visual projections and bespoke
verbatim recordings of women’s birth stories and broader thoughts on identity.
The show is an intimate, stirring, but ultimately uplifting exploration of the
ongoing process of rebuilding after an experience of trauma.
Tour Dates
October 10th
2019, Stwidio Stepni, Ffwrnes, Llanelli
October 11th
2019, Seligman Theatre- Chapter, Cardiff
October 12th
2019, Seligman Theatre- Chapter, Cardiff (AD and touch tour available for this
performance)
October 16thSpan
Arts @- Ysgol Caerelen- Haverford West
As most of you will know I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with my
first child. Last weekend I was on tour with gig dates in Italy and
unfortunately on the Sunday eve I had a nasty fall from stage. The stage was
1.5 meters and the floor surface I fell onto was tiled with no give. I'd just
climbed the stairs onto it ready for my sound check and a combination of my big
baby bump and not seeing my feet and the lights in my eyes not seeing anything
beyond just totally misjudged my footing and stepped out over the edge. I
managed to twist as I fell and landed on my hip and back but fortunately not
the baby bump, pins and needles through my legs instantly I knew it was a bad
fall, and the terror that something had happened to the baby was immense. As I
looked up at the various faces that surrounded me as they discussed calling for
the ambulance, the first words that I spoke were in Italian and simply Bambino-
amazing the way the survival instincts kick in and the brain choosing Italian
rather than English in the desire to communicate the most important thing at
that moment- the welfare of the baby… During the wait for the ambulance
sensation came back into my legs and I found that though I could barely walk I
could at least move them…
Rushed to hospital the Italians looked after me brilliantly. The
relief when the paramedics found the baby’s heart beat on the way was
indescribable. I was seen straight away by a obstetrician, then catheterized
(as I couldn’t walk anywhere) then wheeled in to see a neurologist and both
were able to confirm after thorough tests that the baby was fine and
that my spine was also OK, however they were still keen to X-ray and for me to
be seen by orthopedics as they possible suspected fractures to the hip and or
back. A motorcycle accident however prevented me from having X-rays at that
time and so I was taken to a small room in the maternity ward to spend the
night.
During that time I’d had the moral support of my Welsh touring
companion and good friend Dylan Fowler as well as Italian musician Stefano
Giacconne who was hosting and performing with us as well as the lovely Sonia
Ponzo a local photographer who had been on hand to document the gig. Stefano
and Sonia translating everything for me was very reassuring and Dylan had the
awful job of phoning Bill back in Cardiff to let him know what was happening.
The hospital staff brought me pain killers and told me that they
were keen for me to stay with them a further 3 or 4 days. Here was a dilemma. I
was due to fly back to Cardiff the following day with Dylan, who himself had to
be in Germany 2days after. Further complicated was that my poor husband Bill in
Cardiff is about to undergo major reconstruction surgery after and injury in
his right had and is unable to drive distances at present making travel
arrangements a little more tricky (though of course he was willing to do
everything in his power to get there ASAP!)
As I lay in my bed wondering what the best options were, relieved
that the baby was fine but in lots of pain. I decided that if in the morning the
Drs could again confirm that travelling wouldn't harm the baby and that any
injury to me was orthopaedic and not neurological then I would discharge myself
and get back to Cardiff and go straight to hospital there for the continued
treatment, as it would mean that I wouldn't be on my own in a foreign land (even
though everyone was so kind and good and supportive) , but in an English
speaking environment and most importantly with my husband as soon as I could
be. Decision made I reached for my iPod scrolled through the A’s and put on
Abigail Washburn’s City of Refuge album. It was just what I needed to hear! The
music transported me to another place that was beautiful uplifting and
comforting and welcome distraction indeed! As track 3 'Bring Me My Queen' began
to play the tears rolled down my face- it felt so affirming and spiritual, like
a prayer, calling to the deep parts of myself, to awaken and just bring me my
own queen and I'll be able to do what I need to do and find the strength to travel
and make it back home the next day… the morning came with the words of the
final track "Day Is A Breaking In My Soul' . As music is my job I am
a strong believer in the power that it has to connect and inspire and transcend
and heal, and the experience of those songs at that moment of crisis has been a
very real reminder to me of those qualities that the moments of a song can
bring.
Morning came, I managed to sit up in bed and eat the breakfast
brought in and was then wheeled for more checks. Dylan and Stefano arrived and
I told hem my thoughts re discharging myself. We didn’t have much time- the
journey from the hospital to the airport was 3 hours and we had to be there by
12.00 if we were going to make it in time for the flight. At this stage it hadn’t
occurred to me that I hadn’t actually walked since the ambulance had arrived after
the accident. I just knew I could move my legs and that my spine didn’t have
any neurological damage so assumed that meant I could walk. Wheeled in to see
the Obstetrician The Dr and staff confirmed again that the baby was fine, said
from their perspective that they would like me stay but understood my desire to
get back asap- gave me pain killers and I discharged myself. The moment of
truth. I tried to stand up to dress myself and found the pain shooting through
my legs and managed a tiny step feeling like the pain was going to make me
throw up. The kindly lady who was sharing the room with me offered help (she
was attached to a drip and looked very unwell herself!) I realized if I
couldn’t manage to get my jeans back on then how was I going to travel home and
suddenly I wondered if I could do it at all. My room mate called Dylan and
Stefano back into the room and I said something along the lines of this is
really bad, I’m not sure if I can do this… The clock was ticking to get to the
airport though and recalling the strength and peace I’d felt the night before
made the split decision to just do it. So sent Stefano for the car while Dylan
re packed my bag and then barely able to walk apart from a slow weak shuffle
held up by Dylan began the journey…
It was difficult. The baby kept on kicking which was very
re-assuring. We sorted wheelchairs for the airports either side made the 3 hour
drive from hospital to Milan, then the 3 hour drive from Gatwick to Cardiff (Easy-jet
had in the meantime left my bag behind- it was an inevitability really! But at
least it wasn’t my guitar which we took on board) Then in Cardiff I was met by
Bill and our good friend Becky who was being driver due to Bills hand injury and
went straight to our local hospital, where we spent the next 12 hours in the
hands of many other Drs and finally arrived home on Tuesday. (Verdict being
severe muscle spasms in legs and a likely small fracture in hip but they decided
against X-rays as they would be harmful to the baby)
In those 48 hours between the fall at 5pm on Sunday eve and getting
home at 9am Tuesday morning I had amassed the grand total of 1 hours sleep!!
It was quite an experience… I am sincerely thankful for the selfless
support and kindness of all the lovely Italian hospital staff and musicians,
the beautiful Sonia Ponzo, the fantastic Stefano Giaccone and my rock solid and
brilliant friend Dylan Fowler.
10
days later….
It has been such a relief to be home with
Bill! The baby continues to be well however I’ve had a few more complications as
am now in the care of the Maternity physiotherapy unit at the hospital who have
identified further problems with my hip. So many lovely folks have been in
touch asking for updates and offering support so below is the copy of my latest
email update about it all…
Bill and I are
both well in spirit but rather rubbish in body at the moment!! (Though the baby
is fine and well)
I've just returned
from the physio and have a whole new paradigm to get my head round. My general
mobility has improved from being unable to walk to hobbling on crutches and the
bruising and swelling are progressing as they should while most muscle spasms have
eased however there are further complications that the physio has identified
that need to be addressed...
The fall in Italy
has resulted in my left hip being out of line and higher than the right one.
Muscle tightness and inflammation are pushing it up- so I begin hydro-therapy
for general muscle work to try and loosen it every wednesday from now on in the
pool at the Heath Hospital- I won't start my actual physio treatment until I am
a little more mobile as it will get worse before it gets better etc…
Because of
pregnancy and the fact that the area most effected by the fall is my pelvic
area, I will now be unable to do things like push a shopping trolley, lift,
hoover or mop, drive, walk the dog etc… until 2 months after having given birth
(they treat it like if you've had a caesarian) Though I may be able to drive
sooner but will need ok from dr in order to be covered by any insurance…
This all further
complicated by the fact that Bill is due for his hand surgery on the 30th May
and will also be unable to lift/ walk dog/ drive/ etc…
In the light of this we have decided that its
best to cancel and postpone upcoming gig on 26th May/ as well as recording my
EP from the 3-7 June and my new Counting The Waves show for its premier date
July 6th… The physio
seemed to think that the overall physicality of performing would be too much
and we would hate to create setbacks that hinder recovery and health for giving
birth...
There are also a
lot of unknowns- as we don't know the impact that the baby will have on my now
weakened pelvis/ back and hips as she grows, which may hinder my recovery- … we
also don't know how Bill will respond to surgery- the healing and
rehabilitation for him is very dependent on how his body responds to the metal
wiring and pins and whether it rejects it or not…
I am currently
looking in to getting cleaners and dog walkers and friends on board to help us
manage these next weeks… and lots of folks have been very kind in offering
etc.. which is great ( I guess we have the pathetic sympathy vote- crippled
husband with his pregnant wife of crutches!!)
Huge thanks for
all your messages of support and concern
Its great to be creating again.
As I mentioned in a previous blog post so much of my time last year and early this year was caught up in health issues- so its good to be back on track and finding a muse again...
So currently dipping into more jazzy electric sounds and exploring my new loop and expression pedals. The looping is allowing me to pick up the soprano saxophone again after a very long time of not playing and realising that my muscles round my mouth just aren't up to speed at all at the moment... Hopefully within the next few weeks I'll find my tone there again...
I dive headlong into my "Counting The Waves" project with Gill Stevens, in November... so will write more about that soon...
Planning on debuting a track or two at the next gig at The Minstrel room... Really looking forward to having Dylan Fowler join us and the chance to take out lots of instruments again... It was great fun at St Donats Arts Centre to have my electric and the arch top plus the 2 acoustics, my banjo and sax- though it'll be keyboards this time rather than a real piano! Not sure as yet exactly what Dylan will be playing but I expect there will be additional guitars and percussion in the mix, with Rosy's cello and Angharad's vocals all woven in also...Here's flyer with info below....
It will be strange the next time I play solo again, I'm thoroughly enjoying the bigger sound...
